Post by buildthefarm on Jan 29, 2014 21:18:07 GMT -5
ok so sunday and monday i caused myself some trouble and both night were full of nightmares. monday night was a pretty serious one, it will go on the list of the ones i won't be forgetting. so tuesday i was praying about it and asking for some simple answers, and got no answers. i started to feel that feeling of your chest being empty and craving an answer and it was miserable. then it hit me that i lived most of my life feeling like that all the time. that was the void i had always tried to fill with whatever i felt like trying. i felt alone and started to fear the feeling of not being close to the Lord. then He came flooding in to the rescue and it hit me that i was beginning to fear the Lord. the fear seems like less fear of Him and more so fear of lacking Him. its a whole new kind of understanding for me of that verse. 'the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom'.
since then I've been just asking Him stuff all day for 2 days straight lol. and i found out I've been slightly off track on what i was expecting my roll to be in this thing He has me working on. i was asking first how i was going to support myself when i lose my job and get thrust into this whole thing. (had a couple dreams that lead me to think thats coming soon). anyway nothing i ever wanted to do or thought i might be supposed to do was the answer, He didn't even tell me to make a living off ministry. then He showed me this: my career is going to be getting closer to Him, and forget the money stuff He is gonna handle all that. WOW not at all what i woulda thought, and in fact that will take a lot of trust and rethinking how i plan stuff:) but it was really cool.
so i continued questioning today and again it was nope not that, nope not that either….. on everything i was thinking would be my roll in His plan for me. then i gave up guessing and He showed me a plan that was a good bit different from what i had in mind. same core different implementation lol. so now I'm really heading into something thet i have no clue about. but it seems like fun, i just gotta learn how write and deliver a message cuz imon be doin a bit of preachin' sort of. gotta love a good day or 2 of conversating with your maker:)
since then I've been just asking Him stuff all day for 2 days straight lol. and i found out I've been slightly off track on what i was expecting my roll to be in this thing He has me working on. i was asking first how i was going to support myself when i lose my job and get thrust into this whole thing. (had a couple dreams that lead me to think thats coming soon). anyway nothing i ever wanted to do or thought i might be supposed to do was the answer, He didn't even tell me to make a living off ministry. then He showed me this: my career is going to be getting closer to Him, and forget the money stuff He is gonna handle all that. WOW not at all what i woulda thought, and in fact that will take a lot of trust and rethinking how i plan stuff:) but it was really cool.
so i continued questioning today and again it was nope not that, nope not that either….. on everything i was thinking would be my roll in His plan for me. then i gave up guessing and He showed me a plan that was a good bit different from what i had in mind. same core different implementation lol. so now I'm really heading into something thet i have no clue about. but it seems like fun, i just gotta learn how write and deliver a message cuz imon be doin a bit of preachin' sort of. gotta love a good day or 2 of conversating with your maker:)